Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Khrystian Tid-bit

Placing expectations on someone we first meet will set you up for failure every time.  I supposedly think like a man in more ways than I care to share, however one thing I know is certain:  When you first meet someone, whether you’re a man meeting a nice woman or a woman meeting a dapper man; please stop with the idiosyncrasies the moment you say hello to each other.  This was brought back to my attention during yet another one of my book club meetings (a different one this time).  We read the recommended read from the essence book club, The Conversation by Hill Harper.  It’s a book all about how black men and women can build loving and trusting relationships.  Now, I know what you’re about to say, “How can Hill Harper teach anyone about being in a healthy relationship when he’s single and not qualified?!”

You’re absolutely right!  How can he?!  Well, honestly; he’s NOT doing any of the above mentioned!  It’s more of a series of his own quests to figure out what’s wrong with him, or I should say, what he can do to help himself “look in the mirror” and figure out his own self worth and issues with relationships past, current and future!  It’s sort of like if I took my blog and interviewed a few people based on my topics and got it published…hmm…a thought!  I digress!
Any who, he writes sort of a self portrait of himself and now, because of it he’s got all the world a-buzzing!

I’ll be the first to admit; when I picked up the book and read the first couple of pages I put the book down.  I wasn’t going to read it.  I thought it was yet another one of “those”.  I figured, man…I know what he’s about to say and how he’s about to say it and why he’s about to say it.  After actually reading the entire book, my opinion didn’t change!  LOL!  It just didn’t!  BUT, I respect his book.  I respect it enough to have read it.  I respect it enough to discuss it at my book club, and I respect it enough to share on my blog.

One thing that caused me not to turn a deaf ear to him was his perspective.  I loved his perspective!  He’s a highly educated graduate of Brown as well as Harvard, a world traveler, a spiritually grounded single man, and if that’s not enough; a man in search of truth and even more knowledge!  Major turn-ons for me!  Any who, again; I digress!

The particular point I want to discuss at this time, is the statement I made earlier: Placing expectations on someone we first meet will set you up for failure every time.  During our book club discussion one of the ladies asked how we felt about Hill, on page nine of the book, telling a woman he was going to call her, and then not calling her until a month later.  Okay!  Most of the women in the book club were livid.  One even said, “Unacceptable because the same way you begin a relationship, is the same way you will end a relationship.”  (I kind of agree…but then that disputes Christianity and the ability to change in the twinkling of an eye!)  Careful what you say, and how quickly you let a judgment fly from your mouth.  (I was talking to myself there, but if the shoe fits for you too…WEAR IT!)

DAG!! For the last time, back to the point-another lady said; “I would have been upset and had to explain to him that the behavior was unacceptable.”  Low and behold; I made my comment.  “I’ll have to check my sources to be accurate, but I’m pretty sure, he never gave her a date he was going to call.  Why would you place expectations on this man you’ve just met an hour before-hand and may or may not see again?”

Why did I say that?!  They were all over me.  Saying it was the “man” in me.  Figuring I’m giving men excuses and ways out of being the ideal man for them.  But honestly!  You can’t give these sorts of expectations.  Alas!  I found it on the bottom of page nine.  He told her he’d call when she asked if he would, but never said a time!!  My opinion might be different, had he told her, “I’m going to call you tomorrow,” and called a month later; but that wasn’t the case.  So…ladies…AND gentlemen-because we ALL do it-

Please stop with these expectations, rules and heavy stipulations!!!  If you like someone when you first meet them-GREAT! If you don’t-Cool…you’re better off.  I just feel when we place all these stipulations on the men and women we’re dating; they’re bound to fudge up.  What’s the saying, “rules are meant to be broken”; at least the unreasonable kind?  The kind that makes the guy or girl think something is detrimentally wrong with you and they soon discover that your antics are the precise reason why you are single and will remain single for a very long time!  So he said he would like to see you soon? Who cares, life can’t stop because he said he would like to see you soon.  Get it?  It takes me back to an earlier blog, one that I’ll re-post soon since Valentines is fast approaching, that states keeping “you” occupied.  It encompasses spending time with self, enjoying self and having a great time with self.  When you master self…and learn to understand and appreciate yourself, it makes it easier to accept or enjoy the company of someone else, and not anxiously anticipate their arrival.

Check yourself ;-)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Game

Okay!  So I was one of the millions (just like you, I'm sure) anticipating the newest arrival of the hit sit-com The Game!  I couldn't wait to see it, deliberate it, and get back into living this oh-so-close-to-reality show I love so much with, and I might add, all the eye-candy I love to see each week!  Well the drama superseded my expectations!  I liked it...I won't say I loved it...well, I have mixed reviews.

Kelly is annoying!  Her character (which I've come to find out through reading it on an interview she did is supposed to be more so re-occurring.  So that may shed some light on the annoyances of her and the relationship she now has with Jason.  It just seems as though she wouldn't be SO bitter after two years, not with her husband.  My goodness, at the end of the last show he had moved on to a new relationship.  Although, it's clear that relationship is over...I don't think her character should be so ratchet!  It's gross and seemingly out of character for Kelly Pitts (maiden name)  When she hung with her old-school friends she wasn't even like that, and she didn't want to even name-drop to get into the club.  So her apparent, change of heart, is a bit baffling!

Jason Pitts-pretty much where I thought he'd be.  I'm attracted.  I'm intrigued.  He's not doing the football thing, and rightfully so, he's much older than the other guys aaaaaaand, it was sort of a washed up situation in the ending of the series to begin!  Plus Colby Bell is in contract with another series and couldn't really do the commitment of the game at the time of contractual negotiations!  Bummer!

Tasha Mack...what can I say, she's back...and kind of wack!  Lol!  Just kidding, just trying to rhyme!  Anywho, I have to watch and see how I feel about her.  I was looking forward to her and Rick Fox's relationship (albeit going through a little bit of drama) working out.  I would have like to see her become a more settled woman...not that the man would make her settled, but she and Rick complimented each other (personality-wise) He was the ying to her yang!

Derwin!  What can I say; I love this church-boy!  He deserves good things.  He made a few mistakes, however; I still totally blame Melanie.  He was a good guy.  Marriage material and she damn near threw him to the wolves with her over the top antics and gung-ho attitude about their relationship.  I mean, you're living together, acting as if you're married; what was the crime in getting married the very first time he asked you?!  Before Drew Sidora, or Janay, or whomever!!

Malik Wright is still a mess.  His character is true to form and surprisingly, not over-the-top!  He's just what I expected- a spoiled athlete that's used to getting what he wants and he will act a fool, either to get it or keep it!  Typical man on a secret mission to rule the world!  Haha!  Looking forward to his shenanigans!

Melanie (Med School).  I'm already exhausted with her!  She was wrong before the series ended and she's still wrong.  I'm sorry, but by now she should be over this whole baby momma drama.  The kid was born the day of your wedding.  He prevented you from totally walking down the isle.  Sorry, but when Derwin signed that kids birth certificate; it was a done dada!  Leave it alone!  Move on!  You have the man!  Shut up about it!
Welp!  Looking forward to tonight...I'll be tuned in like you!
P.S. Congrats to the 7.7 million viewers rating on the first night it aired!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Be Careful What You Pray For

I inadvertently joined a book club this year!  The first book of the year being "Be Careful What You Pray For", by Nicole Rouse.  I thoroughly enjoyed the book.  However, on a scale of 1-5...I'd have to give the book an overall 3 or 3.5.  It was predictable.  So predictable in fact, that I knew the ending of the story by the middle of the first chapter.  I read it in its entirety only, in part, because of the book club discussion.  There were some reader's guide questions at the end of the book that I'm going to discuss and answer as part of my review of the book.  They're also good questions for you to ask yourself whether you're in a relationship or not:
In the book, the main protagonist, Maya, was in a relationship for thirteen years.  The question is; how long should a couple be in a relationship before they consider marriage?  I personally think it depends on your age.  Back when I was in high school or maybe even college I could easily say a few, no more than, four or five. that I'm older I think no more than 2 years...and really after the discussion with the book club 9 months will suffice.  9 months is a significant amount of time to bond and build a relationship, and it's certainly enough time to know (at my age and yours) if I can see myself with you long-term!
After her relationship ended due to her man of thirteen years, not wanting to get married she begins dating a man from her job that takes an active interest in her.  The question being; does Maya enter into her new relationship too soon?  I think she did.  I'm an avid supporter of moving on and dating and getting to know many people, but at the same time; her motive was all wrong.  Her initial intent was to just date and hang out...but her motive in the beginning was to find (or be sent) a man that was ready for what she wanted (marriage and family) and I think that motive alone, clouded her vision of what she was supposed to be doing and that's...having fun! She couldn't see past what she wanted!  (like honestly, most of us can't) 
The next question asks do I believe in love at first sight?  I can't say that I do or don't.  I believe in love...I believe that you may see someone and become infatuated with them immensely, but I've never experienced love at first sight.  I have to say, I think (if I'm being brutally honest) love at first sight, on my behalf, would terrify me.  That's an overwhelming feeling (love) and to have it at first sight, has to be brutal!  Someone once told me they fell in love with me at first sight (hmmm, I wonder).
....I haven't even begun to give you the meat and potatoes of this book.  It get much deeper and so much more tumultuous.  To read such great lengths of a woman in love, wanting love and trying to salvage love...well; you'd just have to read it yourself honey!  So today, maybe I've inspired you to go and pick up this book by Nicole Rouse...maybe not.  Whichever the case....please; be careful what you pray for!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Accepting Compliments!

This is rule number two of my dating blog I wrote a little bit back: Accept Compliments
It's absolutely acceptable to receive a compliment from a man and not think he's just trying to get under your dress or into your pants. Be gracious when receiving your compliment and always say thank you. Never down play the's for you and you deserve it. He obviously means it or believe me he wouldn't have said it. Instead of, you have a beautiful smile, he could have easily said; tonight looks amazing! However, a very common mistake some women make is allowing a man to give a derogatory or degrading compliment. That is not a compliment, it's an insult! If he says anything insulting, derogatory or degrading excuse yourself and leave immediately! Trust me, he's not worth your time!

I feel the need to explain derogatory and degrading comments, because I KNOW for a fact...people, especially my ladies (who, let's face it...I write my blog with you in mind) don't know or have a clear understanding of what they are.  I'm not calling you stupid...I'm saying you could be unaware or naive...don't get offended, just stop reading my blog LOL!

1. Yo' booty shole is right in them jeans.
2. You are so pretty, for a (insert whatever fits)
3. Oooh you thick!  I like a woman that can eat.
4. I usually don't date your type.
5. You're so sexy, you can have whatever you long as you return the favor (wink)

DOUBLE GROSS!  Watch it out here ladies!  It's a jungle out here and these men are a BEAST! LOL!
~God Bless and Good Luck!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Age Ain't Nothing But A Number

I hear this more often than I can to share...and it's mostly from insecure, insufficient people (in my opinion)!  The phrase is, "Now that I'm (fill in your age) I'm not doing this anymore." or "People (fill in appropriate age here) don't do this."  "I'm too grown for (fill in whatever activity you would like to do here)." 
I mean, who has read an age dictionary where when you look up the number eight-teen you will find all the activities and thoughts an eight-teen year old should do or think?  And who created this same age dictionary that when you search for the number forty it tells you the particular way of thinking for a forty year old?  Do you see how truly ridiculous this is?!!  I do!

Oh I know!! 

It must be the same people or evil person that tells you what major life change you should have at particular ages.  You know the same one that makes you feel horrible for not having a child at 25 or not being married, or not going to college and living this "so-called life" that "everyone" else is living?!  Yeah them!

Please, if you do this, STOP!  It's annoying...and you shouldn't be placing stipulations on how you live your life.  Or allowing anyone else for that matter!  Don't put fences around or glass ceilings up!  The moment you do that, is the moment you stop living!  I'll give you a good example of what I mean-

I have a friend...they met, fell in love with a much, much older mate, and got married.  By much, much older; I simply mean the mate was older in mind, and age, and experience.  The mate had been there, done that with many things my friend hadn't even begin to experience because let's face it; my friend was straight out of high school from a small town and hadn't seen much or experienced much! (Just keeping it real)

Anyway...the mate would always say, "we don't do that anymore, it's too kiddie." or "nah.  we won;t be doing that because it's wack and kiddie!"  My friend would agree!  I'm not blaming the mate at all for the "losses", I'm simply stating fact!  My friend made their OWN decisions!
Ok, so long story short-they're not married any longer! (big surprise...NOT!) anywho...and now my friend wants to experience the same things the mate always negatively deflected them from doing...NOW!  This is crazy!  You've missed out on life, and doing things that truly your age was doing because you were too "grown" and mature to do those things.  The same thing, coincidentally, you're trying to do now. 

That's just one scenario...

Another friend of mine thinks it's too young refer to woman as girls on invites for "Girl's Night"-which is truly  a play on words.  Hello?!  It doesn't mean someone is excusing the fact that you're an adult.  It's a ding dang on word.  Get over it.  No one says, "Woman's Night"  because's boring!  LOL!  Ladies Night-yes...but again, it doesn't make you any less an adult for saying girl!!  Just stupid! 

The point is LIVE your LIFE and LOVE it!  If, at 60, you want to go to disney world...DO IT!  If you have the means and ability LIVE your LIFE!
Why does there have to be an age stipulation on something or someone?! 

When someone opens their mouth and abruptly says to me something I'm too old to be doing, or something a thirty year old shouldn't or wouldn't be doing, I say; "How would you know...I'm the thirty-year old.  So clearly, if I do it...thirty year olds do it.  Get a LIFE!"

And I mean it!

Black Swan

Thrilling: Underlying themes: Lesbianism: Death: Costumes: Beautiful dancing: Sex: Tragedy: Twisted

Go see it for yourself and tell me your thoughts!

Season of the Witch

Liked it!  Perplexed beginning, as in what's the point.  I mean you could argue, as I did, that it was there because of the historical factor of the witch...but really?!  I thought it would have been tied into the ending alittle bit more.  The ending was more predictable than anything...and kind of left you saying..."Is that all?!" 

But overall, it was enjoyable, thrilling, funny...all the makings of a good flick.  Check it out for yourself and comment!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I Do

Before the world-renowned "The Secret" came out; it was always encouraged for a person to write down goals, and or plans and or create "lists" in order to elevate your life and self to a higher plateau.  I've done it, you've done it...we've all done it!  It's just a part of this crazy thing we call life!  Everyone wants the BEST and no one has a true secret to living and or obtaining this success other than hard work, prayer, determination, yada, yada, get my point.
Back a few years ago, true to form I did the same "list" for the do's in a relationship I want and the do's of a great boyfriend aka future husband I want.  Suffice to say; the contents of that list haven't manifested quite yet (sad face here...maybe NOT!!!)   
Back two years ago; a new friend of mine said she had done something similar...but not because she wanted to, but because it was one of the requirements of a dating site she joined.  With this particular site you have to tell them exactly and specifically what you were "looking for" in a mate.  She said, contrary to my story, that the moment she took it seriously and honestly and realistically (key word here is REALISTICALLY) she pressed the send button on her computer for the site to do it's magic...and it did.  She said within a month she had found the man, that now she's been married to for five years, of her dreams and he was exactly what was on the list! 
I say all of this to say, I believe in fairy tales.  As grown as I am and as much natural wisdom that I have...I STILL to this day believe in fairy tales whole-heartily!  You should too! (wink)  Don't let someone tell you what you're too "grown" to be doing!  (I loathe that...blogging on it later)
Make yourself a list.  It doesn't haven't to be because you're joining a dating site either!  Just create a list of REALISTIC qualities you want in your mate.  Don't limit or chew yourself apart either.  If it's long...let it be long.  If it's short...allow it to be short. 
Make the list about you!  Not what you're mama or dad wants for you.  Not what your bestfriend of thirty years thinks you are worth.  Not what your co-worker told you to look for in a mate, but what YOU desire in a mate!  Make sure to include your deal breakers in there as well (see previous post) because they are fundamental and should actually help guide your list! 
And lastly, once you make the list...keep your BIG mouth shut about it!  It's not for you to share...especially with potential dates and mates!  They shouldn't know what you're looking for...they should only know once you fall in love...that they were EXACTLY what you wanted!  (aaaawwww, such a sweet story for someones happily ever after!)

Peace, Lots of Love, and Hair Grease,
Khrystian Nichole

Friday, January 7, 2011

As the World Turns (in real life)...

"After reading your blog, I decided to write you. I am coming to you because you may have the answers or insight on a few challenges that I am having at this time. I cannot discuss this with my friends because I do not want them in my business at all. I have to have closure and peace with this whole situation. Playing with a fool will make you foolish. I have been embarrassed for weeks and refuse to feel this way another day.

He got my number from Facebook.  I am only communicating with him right now only because he owes me money. He supposedly lost his wallet. After that someone used his checking card. Then his bank froze his account to investigate. Like a dumb ass I loaned him money. I know it may sound crazy and I cant tell you that it all makes sense. He has paid me back half of what he owes. He keeps making excuses saying he will return the money tomorrow, like every day...I had a law enforcement friend check him out. I was advised that he has a history of fraud. I do not know him and I feel horrible that I allowed him for a brief time in my world.
I do not know him very well. All I know is that he is a habitual liar. In your personal opinion should I leave he balance that he owes me alone. Is he a criminal? There is so much I don't know. Is he dangerous? I do not like the fact that he knows where I live. My daughter and I live here and I almost want to move because of this."

Time and time it's been said...desperate times call for desperate measures.  Of course, I don't know the extent to this so-called relationship and I never truly will... frankly; it doesn't matter...but I can tell you safety is number one.  Safety is what should have caused you not to engage in a relationship of any kind with someone you don't know that "psycho-ly" got your number from facebook (rule numero Uno!) Safety would have told you if you don't know him very well he should NOT be at your home and most definitely in any location where your child dwells.  Safety should have propelled you to find out those latter questions you asked of yourself and law enforcement friend about him in the beginning and not now that he owes you money.  Safety is what should have been your biggest knock in the head to not loan someone you don't know any money whatsoever.  If safety is now all of a sudden your concern...leave the balance as is!  I won't continue to berate you; for as you said; you've "been embarrassed for weeks", but I will empahasize- Live and Learn!  Pick up and learn from your mistakes- next time, hang up the phone as soon as someone says they got your number from facebook!  At least use a reputable source like or something!  They do reference checks!! LOL!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Single Girl Gem::

Watch who you date!! 
If they do "the fool" now, they'll do "the fool" later!

Happy dating and mating!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Blast from the Past #1

I absolutely LOVED me some Stephanie Mills back in the day!!  Truth be told...I thought I was her mini-me!  I would sang...yes I said 'sang' this song like I knew EXACTLY what she was talking about!  I belted it in the mirrors around the house into brushes, and cooking utensils, or broom handles...probably running my parents crazy!  And don't let us have a family talent show...I sang, "I Feel Good All Over"  Infact; I can't wait until karaoke...I WILL be singing it then!  Get Ready...

~Enjoy the moment~

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Does Size Really Matter?!

Necole Bitchie asked this question on twitter from a facebook discussion.  In light of, I'm sure, Vivica Fox's 8-carat diamond engagement ring she was given today...ummm, yeah I won't let it pass that your mind was more than likely in the gutter with the title of my blog post!!  ;-)

Leave that as it may...
The questions are still out there in the atmosphere:  Does the size of the ring really matter?  Do you think it's a representation of the love your man has for you?

*I don't think I'd make a big deal out of a ring size.  The man I'd marry would know what I like, what I expect, what I'm worth, what I'm worth to him, and I'd like to think he'd understand my taste just like I'd understand his taste.
That also brings me to a previous post I wrote about dating and relationship expectations!  Everybody has them, and as you do the dating, mating and courting "thing" it's my sincere hope that you set the tone for your lifestyle!  You can't expect something you're not accustomed to, and likewise; you won't attract anyone that's not open to your aspirations.

~Here's to the blessing of aspirations~

Beauty Tip #4

I've made mention of this tip before but I never really went into detail!  It's not rocket science at all; it's just a simple trick I learned a long time ago to keep pretty hands and pretty feet.  Heck, at least soft hands and soft feet because, personally...I think feet are UGLY.  I don't care who told you you're feet weren't!!  LOL!

*At night (works best overnight) after taking a nice hot shower; slather (or cover for those of us that think slather makes it even more unattractive) your feet in vaseline (NOT lotion, the actual petroleum jelly) and place socks (preferrably cotton) on your feet. 

The vaseline helps to bring moisture, protect and soften your cuticles and overall skin.  Try it and let me know what you think! is an original jar of vaseline, for those of us that haven't quite gotten into the 'BLING' of things!  ;-)


Beauty Tip #3

It's the simple things in life that truly least when it comes to your face and how you wear your make-up!  I've come up with a simple beauty tip- tested, tried and true- that is sure to turn any dull, flat, pale face into a pleasant, magnificent beaute!
It's nothing new under the sun...all you have to do is gently line your eyes with eye-liner and add massacra to lengthen your already nice lashes.  Place a thin and clear lip gloss (vaseline, carmex, or burt bee's will do) on your lips and you'll look like a million bucks!  The compliments will make you feel like a million bucks too!!  Try it!