"Up" Kind of Love

Isn't it funny that in the "moment" that you're in your relationship with someone you think; this is absolutely A.mazing!  He/she is the one for me.  I am in love!  What the heezy was I ever doing with that (insert insult here) in the first place.  I wasted so much time on that (insert another insult here) and all this time I could have been living this great life with (insert sickening mushy name here). 
Sound familiar?!  Well whether that's your case or not; whether it happened in this relationship, or you realized it after the 7 year crush you had on the guy that doesn't know you exist; it's happened to some, to most, to the BEST of us.

A few months ago, I was having this conversation with a friend of mine about love...if we really believed in it.  Now don't go getting your panties in a bunch.  God IS love! Yes we know that and we believe whole-heartedly in God's love for us and within us.  It was just a simple conversation about relationships; the lack there of, and the common misconceptions of said relationships.  So before you go bible thumping to me; let's keep it real, sane and remove all the holier than thou (oh no, not the preacher's kid) judgments for the purposes of this discussion.

~Now back to our regularly scheduled program~

My friend and I both agreed in real love; but I then began to question if there was really a such thing as a true love.  You know?  The forever love.  The kind that you read about, hear songs about, watch movies about; and even hear the old wives' tales about the man that only had one true love and when his young wife died an untimely death-he never loved again (story of my great grand-father R.I.P). 

I just wonder.  Because nowadays, you hear the stories and have the friends that fall in love at first sight and marry after 3 months.   Then divorce after 6 months.  You hear the stories and have the friends that date and love for 8 years and then marry.  Divorce in 3 years.  But truly, that's all facts and figures, because nowadays you just can't tell.  People aren't made up of what they used to be made of.  Men and women, alike, don't sugar coat or pussy foot around issues like they did back in the day.  There is no more of the; Don't ask. Don't tell policies.  People aren't playing games with that mess anymore.  We're asking and we're telling even if you don't want to hear it!  So I'll leave the marriage issue alone and just keep with the discussion of true love.  Strength and length of marriage is a whole 'nother blog...inwhich I don't even have the strength to partake in.

Back to true love. 

I just figure.  You get into a relationship.  You fall in love (and for some vice versa...anywho).  You maintain a relationship.  You believe it's the BEST relationship ever and you believe you've never felt a love like this one right now.  Until, that is you do.  Because...you break up!  Whoa!  Blind-sided!  He's or she's not the person you like to have believed. 

You start again.  You get into a relationship.  You fall in love (and for some vice versa...moving on). You maintain a relationship. You believe it's the BEST relationship ever and you believe you've never felt a love like this one right now. Until, that is you do. Because...you break up!  Damn!!  Not again!!  You thought you knew him or her so well.

You decide; I'm taking a break.  I need time for myself.  I fall hard and they just can't accept me for me.  They don't deserve my love.  That is until... You get into a relationship. You fall in love (and for some vice versa...whatever). You maintain a relationship. You believe it's the BEST relationship ever and you believe you've never felt a love like this one right now. Until, that is you do. Because...you break up! You think he or she was perfect. Our families got along, we were really on the trail to marriage.  Looking at rings and all :(

Enough is enough you think.  You've had enough heart break for one person to stand.  Maybe you're destined to be a bachelor/bachelorette for life.  Nothing wrong with that.  Lots of people have a great life being single.  You plan the perfect getaway with your friends!  It's time to get foot loose and fancy free in the city.  And why not?!  You're young!  You're single!  You've got a great career and family and personality!  Time to put it to use.  That is until...You get into a relationship. You fall in love (and for some vice versa...enough already!!!). You maintain a relationship. You believe it's the BEST relationship ever and you believe you've never felt a love like this one right now. Until, that is you do. Because...you break up!

Do you see my pattern of logic?  Each time you are in a relationship; you figure that's the love of your life.  your soul-mate! The one God put on this planet specifically for you!  Until, that is, you break up; and he's or she's NOT!!!  I just simply believe that whomever you're in a relationship with at the time is your true love!  So there it is.  Is there ever really a true love?  Is there a difference between true and real love? How do you know?  What happens if and when you're not in a relationship with your "true love" anymore?  What will you say then?  How do you truly know you're in love?  What?  Is it that you miss them even before they leave?  Because you can miss a city or a homie like that!  Is it because you get sick at the mere thought of losing them?  Give me something really expensive and I don't necessarily mean monetarily and I bet I'll get real sick at the thought of losing it too!  I mean, honestly, this is a real subject matter for me.  I just don't think I believe in the hog wash.  So let me know your thoughts!

~XOXO~

Happy "True" Love Moments Lol!

p.s. the title is dedicated to the oscar winning movie "Up".  Watch it and you'll understand why I titled it that.

The Honeymoon's Over

A good friend of mine and I were discussing relationships and among the many faucets of the conversation was the topic of the longevity of said relationships. There is a period in any relationship where you get so comfortable with your significant other and so emotionally stable with them that it’s only natural that you have let go of any and all inhibitions.
This is the moment I refer to as “the honeymoon’s over.” This is when things are not quite the way they used to be when you first met. The old folks call it “courting”. Putting your best foot forward all of a sudden is not what that is. Usually, during this period, the couple feels free to release all bodily functions (burps, pass gas, etc.). Where excuse and pardon me were once said, it’s replaced with laughs and giggles. Whispers of sweet nothings in your ear are swapped for loud shucks and jives. Beauty, baby, sugar-pie honey bunch are exchanged for dog, goofy or a simple no tag.
The endearing, romantic intentions you came up with to surprise and sweep your mate off their feet become few and far between. When before, money was no object, you find yourself crying budget. To take the place of spare no expense and order whatever you like, you say we don’t need that or let’s just share. All of a sudden there’s no need to spend every moment together, instead you see each other too much. Someone needs space.
I could go on and on about the infamous honeymoon’s over stage. I could even go so far as to describing my own relationship as in that period, because let’s face it after 11 months with the same person; for a woman (or anyone for that matter) that’s not use to long term relationships; it could get tedious and mundane.
However, I can’t feed into the negative energy of bashing a good thing. As easy as it would be for me to highlight negative aspects of my relationship, let’s face it; you’re lying if you say your relationship is perfect. There are imperfections in every imaginable relationship. They take work. But the work can be and should be worth it.
I have to say that after 11 months: I am STILL in the honeymoon stage! I still get surprises that give me smiles, I don’t tire of our moments together; actually, I have the most fun when he’s around. Romanticism is an everyday occurrence, and pet names are insatiable. My relationship is A-okay and full of adventure!
So, for me, the honeymoon is far from over! Can I promise I’ll be writing this same thing this time next year or whistling a happy tune?? Nope, but a girl sure can live in the moment! :)

**Randon Rant**

When it seems as if you’re down to nothing, know that God is up to something

Stop using your body as if it’s a congenial welcome mat at the door of Stop n’ Go, you should have much more to offer this world than a piece of ass **if you’re personal relationships aren’t lasting more than 6 months…SELF CHECK!**

If you’re ever feeling so low that you just want to crawl under the covers and hide from the rest of the world. Remember that if God brought you to it, he’ll get you through it.

The best way to show that you have dignity, class, poise and savvy, both professionally and personally is to act in that manner at all times. Those are qualities others see shining from you…you shouldn’t have to announce the attributes!

It has been said that character is the way you are when no one is watching. Often times we put on a grand, magnificent and entertaining “show’ in front of our loved ones. Sooner or later you show your true colors.

Stop letting others determine your value and self-esteem. Love yourself first and others will follow suit.

Remove yourself from negativity. Wake up in the mornings thinking of how you can empower others. Through empowering others you will fully empower yourself.

Don’t live with regrets: mend a broken heart, salvage relationships, build new bridges, pay off debts, and pray more often

*Randon Rant*

This may be inspired from all the Tiger hoopla, or maybe from a conversation I had a couple of days ago, could be from a post a friend of mine did on facebook, or possibly from my own personal experiences but-
I don't understand why men's actions don't mirror what comes out of their mouth. Okay, okay, it's not just men...but that's who I'm speaking of in my blog. Why tell a woman you love her, or want to spend your life with her or there's no one else you want to be with. If what you say, couldn't be further from the truth. I read a quote a couple of days ago that said, "your actions speak so loudly, I can barely hear what you're saying." It's truth. Men will say these things and have a relationship with a women, but have another women (some side chick) thinking their unhappy in a current relationship. That it's just a situation they're in and not able to get out of quite yet. And women eat it up. Feeling dominant over the supposed girlfriend or wife, who is what you think naive to the fact that her her so called man, doesn't want her. Please believe a woman (or anyone for that matter) usually won't stay in a relationship where they are feeling truly mistreated or neglected. So that man undoubtedly is telling her something to make her stay.
Men will literally live a double-life. Pretending to not have a charge on their phone, or lose their phone, or be asleep in an attempt to not speak to one of the women, be working late, or too tired to be intimate with you. A man will act stressed out financially so he doesn't have to wine and dine you. He will even go so far as to take off from his job to make time for his side-chick. (True story)
Why do they feel the need to lie and manipulate a situation instead of being open and honest with the supposed women they love? Most times a women wants exactly what you want. Especially in these days. She will sleep with you and have no strings attached, so you don't have to play games. Some people are so selfish, or immature, or just plain old ignorant that they don't understand the concept of loyalty, love and dedication! Love is not, as Halle Berry said in Boomerang, "some disease you catch like the plague", it's an emotion that no one is personally asking of you. Of course relationships are cool, but playing the field is great too. If you are innappropriately talking to someone other than your significant other ...i.e asking sexual favors, sending nude pics back and forth, meeting up with them privately, or not able to be around them in the presence of your significant other. You're not living right and you need to move around from the relationship because you're obviously not ready to settle down.
You're not being fair to the person you're lying to. You're selfish and deceitful, hurtful and ruining a life that someone is possibly trying to commit to.
You should go on your merry way, and indulge in the women that caused you to do so much damage in the first place.