"Up" Kind of Love

Isn't it funny that in the "moment" that you're in your relationship with someone you think; this is absolutely A.mazing!  He/she is the one for me.  I am in love!  What the heezy was I ever doing with that (insert insult here) in the first place.  I wasted so much time on that (insert another insult here) and all this time I could have been living this great life with (insert sickening mushy name here). 
Sound familiar?!  Well whether that's your case or not; whether it happened in this relationship, or you realized it after the 7 year crush you had on the guy that doesn't know you exist; it's happened to some, to most, to the BEST of us.

A few months ago, I was having this conversation with a friend of mine about love...if we really believed in it.  Now don't go getting your panties in a bunch.  God IS love! Yes we know that and we believe whole-heartedly in God's love for us and within us.  It was just a simple conversation about relationships; the lack there of, and the common misconceptions of said relationships.  So before you go bible thumping to me; let's keep it real, sane and remove all the holier than thou (oh no, not the preacher's kid) judgments for the purposes of this discussion.

~Now back to our regularly scheduled program~

My friend and I both agreed in real love; but I then began to question if there was really a such thing as a true love.  You know?  The forever love.  The kind that you read about, hear songs about, watch movies about; and even hear the old wives' tales about the man that only had one true love and when his young wife died an untimely death-he never loved again (story of my great grand-father R.I.P). 

I just wonder.  Because nowadays, you hear the stories and have the friends that fall in love at first sight and marry after 3 months.   Then divorce after 6 months.  You hear the stories and have the friends that date and love for 8 years and then marry.  Divorce in 3 years.  But truly, that's all facts and figures, because nowadays you just can't tell.  People aren't made up of what they used to be made of.  Men and women, alike, don't sugar coat or pussy foot around issues like they did back in the day.  There is no more of the; Don't ask. Don't tell policies.  People aren't playing games with that mess anymore.  We're asking and we're telling even if you don't want to hear it!  So I'll leave the marriage issue alone and just keep with the discussion of true love.  Strength and length of marriage is a whole 'nother blog...inwhich I don't even have the strength to partake in.

Back to true love. 

I just figure.  You get into a relationship.  You fall in love (and for some vice versa...anywho).  You maintain a relationship.  You believe it's the BEST relationship ever and you believe you've never felt a love like this one right now.  Until, that is you do.  Because...you break up!  Whoa!  Blind-sided!  He's or she's not the person you like to have believed. 

You start again.  You get into a relationship.  You fall in love (and for some vice versa...moving on). You maintain a relationship. You believe it's the BEST relationship ever and you believe you've never felt a love like this one right now. Until, that is you do. Because...you break up!  Damn!!  Not again!!  You thought you knew him or her so well.

You decide; I'm taking a break.  I need time for myself.  I fall hard and they just can't accept me for me.  They don't deserve my love.  That is until... You get into a relationship. You fall in love (and for some vice versa...whatever). You maintain a relationship. You believe it's the BEST relationship ever and you believe you've never felt a love like this one right now. Until, that is you do. Because...you break up! You think he or she was perfect. Our families got along, we were really on the trail to marriage.  Looking at rings and all :(

Enough is enough you think.  You've had enough heart break for one person to stand.  Maybe you're destined to be a bachelor/bachelorette for life.  Nothing wrong with that.  Lots of people have a great life being single.  You plan the perfect getaway with your friends!  It's time to get foot loose and fancy free in the city.  And why not?!  You're young!  You're single!  You've got a great career and family and personality!  Time to put it to use.  That is until...You get into a relationship. You fall in love (and for some vice versa...enough already!!!). You maintain a relationship. You believe it's the BEST relationship ever and you believe you've never felt a love like this one right now. Until, that is you do. Because...you break up!

Do you see my pattern of logic?  Each time you are in a relationship; you figure that's the love of your life.  your soul-mate! The one God put on this planet specifically for you!  Until, that is, you break up; and he's or she's NOT!!!  I just simply believe that whomever you're in a relationship with at the time is your true love!  So there it is.  Is there ever really a true love?  Is there a difference between true and real love? How do you know?  What happens if and when you're not in a relationship with your "true love" anymore?  What will you say then?  How do you truly know you're in love?  What?  Is it that you miss them even before they leave?  Because you can miss a city or a homie like that!  Is it because you get sick at the mere thought of losing them?  Give me something really expensive and I don't necessarily mean monetarily and I bet I'll get real sick at the thought of losing it too!  I mean, honestly, this is a real subject matter for me.  I just don't think I believe in the hog wash.  So let me know your thoughts!

~XOXO~

Happy "True" Love Moments Lol!

p.s. the title is dedicated to the oscar winning movie "Up".  Watch it and you'll understand why I titled it that.

RULE of THUMB!

My major rule of thumb for long-term dating is simple: "Don't expect something from your mate that you're not used to giving yourself originally"! Basically, ladies and gentlemen; stop expecting, asking, thinking, giving wish lists and barking demands!!! And most definetly stop allowing outsiders to tell you their should of, could of, would of's. Seriously! I talk about this often, I talk about it with almost every friend I have; at least the ones that ask :) If you don't already travel, or fine dine, or buy yourself nice things; how in the world do you expect them to provide these things? It's the age-old teaching-"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!" So many of us are looking for Mr. and Mrs. Perfect that we're not even preparing ourselves to be that which we desire. (A blog on that topic later.) We're wanting a fairy tale, but are unwilling to put in any work. I'm speaking specifically to my ladies now. Let's face it-I'm a woman and that is my major audience for the purposes of my personal blog. Think of it! How many times have you said I want an intellectual mate. A God-fearing mate. A mate with a sizeable income, enough to where; if I don't want to work, I don't have to work. What about good in bed? Have a good relationship with his family, particularily his momma. Even the smaller, less demanding pre-requisites-like: I want him to be charming, funny, honest, generous, and love me for me. These are ALL awesome qualities to want in a mate, don't ever think I'm saying they're not. However, what I am saying is to prepare yourself. Be reasonable. If you don't have any money in your savings; living check to check. How dare you ask for some Knight in shining armour? If your idea of heavy reading, is reading Vogue monthly; yet, you want a man to hold a profound conversation with you. Think again! If you go to the local beauty shop or purse "party" or Harwin just to get the hottest knock-off Gucci bag; how could you possibly insuate that this guy needs to get you the "baddest" designer bag or take you on a shopping spree!?! You want a spirtual man, yet the only time you set foot in a church house is for a funeral and possibly a wedding, if you're in it. You demand he be the one that "invented sex" yet you're a prude and wouldn't find out what it took to please a man if it cost you .50 cent. Is it absolutely possible for you to demand a guy have his stuff (and you know that's not the word we use) together, when you don't? This is not a female bashing blog, or man for that matter. I'm simply stating the obvious rule of thumb. Expect nothing less than YOUR best. Whatever it is you desire in a mate; make sure it's a mirror of you. We are designed to be help mates. Not these anchors holding anybody down. Don't expect anything from a man that wants to date you and potentially marry you except his RESPECT! If he gives you that-he'll pay attention to the way you treat yourself. The things and people you like. The way your family and friends respond and treat you. He'll want to match and even do better than that! If you treat yourself well. He'll know you're not easily impressed by him opening the car door or picking up a check! Shoot...if he asked you out, he's supposed to do those things. He'll understand that he can't buy you any old hallmark card because what you're used to is hand-made cards. If he truly LIKES you the way he's claimed the spectacular gestures are sure to come! If you constantly have to remind him the "type" of women you are, i.e -"I'm much classier than that. I like ______. I don't do ________." You're NOT living a life he can mirror! He most definitely won't try and do above and beyond what you're used to! At the same time, you should do nice and thoughtful things as well! (A blog on that later.) Become well read and well spoken. Invest. Be you! Be the Best you! Be pleasurable to be around, interesting and an overall GREAT catch! Happy Dating! Our actions speak so loudly, no one can hear what we're saying...

Think Again!

Who ever said that you have the right to call someone at the last minute (because your previous plan fell through, no doubt) and attempt to disrupt their plans assuming they have nothing better to do!!
I DON'T THINK SO!
A foolish person would consider the invitation flattering, but it just seems inconsiderate on the part of said person, to appear out of no where requesting your company. I'm sure you knew of these plans prior to the day, and even if it is impromptu; why all of a sudden an interest in the one person you haven't spoken to in weeks/months?! Get real!
Ladies! And gents too, lesson for the day:
Don't be someone's rebound or crutch! Now, be clear; if this is your nature (to at will and random be used as recreation for another persons pleasure; by all means-Do you!) However, for the more mature of us (me), don't settle for that! A person will do only what you allow, contrary to popular belief. Be better than that! Expect more! Be an example!
You may not even be remotely interested, but especially if you are, make them earn your time! It's not something they can borrow! So say, "No. Better luck next time. Give me more notice."
They'll call back, but next time they'll factor in the fact that, yes, you have a life too! A good life at that, and if they want to be apart they'll respect that you're not sitting around waiting on the phone to ring and they're on the other end of the line!
~And I'm out~