Fool Me Once, Shame on You...

What’s your reason for wanting to begin or maintain a committed relationship? Are you lonely? In love? Wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone? Do you feel obligated either by your spouse or others? Are you trying to prove a point? Are you trying desperately to move on from another relationship and you believe this is the best way? Are you seeking companionship? Do you hate to be alone? 

I'm sure there are many other reasons I haven't quite listed. I have come to find that some people make relationships out to be an inconvenience even after they've initiated the union. They'll make their significant other feel like a nuisance to their otherwise pre-existing life. Like spending time with their S.O is something they “have to do" as opposed to something they enjoy because it's essentially what they want. They'll make spending quality time, a time that should be a mutual affinity for one another, so difficult and uncomfortable that it's uncomfortable to get excited about being together. 

Some others use their significant other simply as an alibi. Their excuse for any good or bad behavior. Friends ask them to go somewhere and they’ll say something like, "I wish I could, but my S.O. got something else going on."

Family gathering time, when they don't want to be with their family; for them it's much more polite and politically correct to say, "We already have plans with my S.O.'s family, maybe next holiday or next event."

If someone thinks they've been out of line or inappropriate, or maybe they're not interested in their advances, what they reduce to say is, "Listen. That didn't happen. I didn’t do that. I have a S.O."

I remember dating someone that was like the latter. He was an indefensible creep! It took me twice in the same weekend to realize he would use the “relationship” as a disguise for his disgusting behavior with other women. The two particular instances were work-related purposes. He would come on to these women, one had a boyfriend and the other could have easily fallen victim to his behavior but she was well aware he was involved with someone else and declined his insinuations because of the type of person she was. She refused to be the other woman knowing his relationship status. The lady with the boyfriend actually didn’t have to say a word because her boyfriend spoke for her. The Boyfriend called said Alibi Guy and confronted him about coming on to his girlfriend. Alibi Guy listened, shifty-eyed, to The Boyfriend’s accusations and like taking a breath, he said; “Nah, man! (lightly laughing) she must have taken what I said out of context or wanted what I said to mean something else. I have a girlfriend and I’ve been with her. In fact, I was with her that day she’s saying I did that so...it couldn’t have happened.”

Thank God I was privy to this conversation being that I was in the car when it occurred. The relationship was over then and there. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Be careful in the dating game. Even more so because a person will pretend for years before they actually unmask their nasty behaviors.