Today I would’ve called my brother around lunch time. He wouldn’t have been awake any earlier 😌 I would’ve wished him a happy birthday then asked, “what we doing?!” He would’ve sighed and said he didn’t know, and would’ve said, “mama asked me the same thing.” He would’ve told me all about the plans he had for the weekend to celebrate but would’ve then said nonchalantly said, “I guess we could go to dinner.” From there I would’ve said, “duh!” and told him to let me know where and what time.
Today.
Today, however I’m grieving the fact that conversation isn’t happening. I’m reluctantly smiling through a day at work as if I really care about what’s coming out of anyone’s mouth. That reluctance isn’t meant but to be mean or nasty BUT it’s reality because none of it matters in the grand scheme of where my mind travels to.
Today.
Today, I’m celebrating my baby brother’s 34th birthday. Our family is honoring what we feel he would’ve done…dinner. I’m celebrating his life and the time that passed as I watched him grow.
Today.
Today, I’m remembering the conversations we held. The years, months, days, moments, seconds spent as each of his past 34 years went by. Remembering his kind spirit.
Today.
Today, I’m glad the sky is clear and my thoughts aren’t and couldn’t be clouded by anything other than acknowledging his birthday.
Today.
Today, yet another dose of reality is taken. Another gut punch and sting of heartbreak continues.
Today. Memories last a lifetime. Happy 34th BIRTHDAY Nate Nate🙏🏾
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