If It’s Up, Then It’s Up

I heard a song and when I heard it; the beat was catchy, the lyrics; although not particularly any way I would EVER speak, spoke to me. Her first two lines of the track’s intro referenced a woman speaking unkindly about another woman and the reason...you guessed it- because of a man finding her attractive.

My mind went to something my mother told me as I was heading off to college. She said, “Khrystian; one thing is certain: you’ve never been in mess and you haven’t been involved in any messes, but one reason a girl will dislike you or attempt to cause you harm will be behind a man! And nine times out of ten the man won’t seriously want

her or you. Y’all are too young for all of that!”

My recollection might not be verbatim but that was most definitely the gist. She was right!! I never had a “real” boyfriend until in my late 20’s, early 30’s. I did, for a fact, have enemies because of them. Inboxes galore due to social media and lots of he said, she said. But nothing would’ve prepared me for marriage! 

Everyone was quiet as church mice while we dated. He courted me heavily so we were always together, but Bay. Bey. Marriage! 

That man proposed and my inbox flooded from random faceless accounts...one had the audacity to use her real account but her approach was respectful and to clear a name she thought I’d been privy too. Little did she know; she wasn’t in my radar by not even a thousand mile radius headed east or west. Chicks racked up my number, stalking me, you name it, I just might have experienced it. I’ve never been approached or confronted negatively with any name-calling but I’ve definitely “heard” things through the dustiest grapevine imaginable just as the song mentioned.

Honestly, it’s always the insecure girl name-calling. Upset because a man she wanted, wants someone else....and my Lord...when he solidifies it, no matter how much lying he did to maintain that insecure girl. She’s hurt. But instead of taking her frustrations out on the man that misled her. Taking her anger out on the man that abused her. Taking her rage out on the man that used her. Taking her emptiness out on the man that mishandled her. Taking her bitterness out on the man that betrayed her little heart. Taking her brokenness out on the man that disregarded her. Taking her fury out on the man that discarded her...

She’d rather trash-talk the woman HE CHOSE. Cardi B has been there before like so many of us. Somebody is there right now and then there’s someone who’s headed to it. One thing I do know, two things for sure. I’m an adult and a lady. The only man I would ever physically fight behind is NOW...my son. You almost really can’t miss me with my daddy or brother but above that; I most definitely will not and ain’t (yes I said ain’t) fighting over no man! I don’t condone fighting and it’s classless.

“Once upon a time I heard that I was ugly. Came from a chick who’s man wants to (MARRY) me.” 🎶 🎵 

(I can’t bring myself to use the vulgarities of the song on my blog. Listen to the song to hear the real lyrics in full if you’d like.) Yes, we are all grown, but I’m still a laaaaaay daaaay- in my Sheneneh Jenkins voice.