Baby Weight

I was utterly and completely in denial about my increase in weight after my baby boy. I just KNEW I had snapped right on back to size. It didn’t help that everyone, with the exception of my core family (mom, dad, husband) was saying, “you don’t even look like you had a baby!” “Girl, you’re small!” “You look good girl!” “You ain’t never lost it!”

Now I’m not saying they were lying....but I’m saying they exaggerated....and maybe, just maybe...I was so huge before I delivered that they figured.... “dang....you lost all that baby weight fast!”

The fact of the matter was; I did lose weight but after being on quarantine and getting to a healthy level of ‘my baby is good on breast milk’ I started clowning! Literally! Just out here living reckless! Drinking margaritas everyday. If I didn’t buy them from restaurants I was making them at home and filling my large yeti-style cups with them. I drank NO, absolutely NO water....I’m surprised my milk supply is even to this day still in existence. I was eating carbs like crazy...and there’s nothing wrong with living your best life, but you all; I was out here not even exercising! I break sweats moving, er, walking around the house with the ac on.

Exercise has become an exhausting task that use to be somewhat fulfilling since I’ve always been a dancer. But when I say I would sweat profusely just from standing outside, or standing in a room full of people, or from mopping, sweeping, vacuuming!

All with that I STILL was in slight denial. Sure, I would say to myself- “get it together! You have got to exercise. Your belly still looks like a pregnant belly.” So I began vigorously saving Jeanette Jenkins videos and lobbying my 3, now 4 year old to work out with Mommy. I began to cook differently. Then ol’ satan would creep into my psyche: “What you doing all that for? You still fit your clothes! Ain’t nothing wrong with having a drink! You only get one life! You have to enjoy it!”

Y’all I was still, literally squeezing into my clothes (busting out of them) I was having to get my husband to help get me out of my own contraptions. I would yell for help and flail around the room...SWEATING...to get free! 

And if you can believe it...I STILL would run into the same patterns. Not drinking water, exercising OR eating right! It wasn’t until on vacation...that I haphazardly got onto the scale that, you know, they keep in the bathroom and it read: 180lbs 

180.

1.8.0

One. Hundred. Eighty.

Now I realize there are some of us that 180 is nothing but hear me when I say; 180 is the amount of pounds I was at 9 months carrying a 9lbs 13oz baby! 180 is not the amount of weight my 5 foot 5 inch woman POST baby body that’s trying to finagle her way into clothes, that’s clearly not made for her size should be!

It would be different if I didn’t feel bad. If I didn’t feel heavy and big or even if I liked what I saw when I looked in the mirror. It’s ALL about SELF confidence...SELF worth...SELF value. Trust me when I say my self esteem is not lacking....I just don’t like what I see or how I feel. I’m still fabulous, but I need to be a FITTER fabulous! A FINER fabulous! A FEEL GOOD fabulous!

So I write ALL that above to say:

I’ve begun my lifestyle journey. 

Day one I ate oatmeal for breakfast, goddess green salad for lunch, and grilled pork chop, salad and broccoli for dinner. I was hungry ALL day lol but I drank water ALL day as well. I failed at exercising on day one, but today is day two. I ate shredded wheat for breakfast, I’ll have chicken salad for lunch and we’ll see for dinner! 

But the journey has begun!!