Why try?!

This will honestly be my last about the recent events that are going on in the world. I just don’t have time to keep defending the “Black Americans” plight (and daily life) to non Black individuals that continue to “school” someone or attempt to “know” the history and story of who I am and where I essentially come from as a human being! It’s exhausting and truly BENEATH me!
Due to the recent riots, which most include the propaganda and narrative that they are all looting and violent and criminal activity! At this time, I’m not there and can’t accurately or intelligently speak on the facts of what’s going on. I can only watch the news like you or view the REAL LIVE footage that people, in the protests, are posting on their social media sites. I was asked would I be out protesting and the answer is probably not because; first, we’re in the middle of Covid-19 I thought. Second, I have a toddler at home and if I barely leave her to go to the grocery store to get essential items I’m for damned sure not going out footloose and fancy free into the city to get harassed by police and any other Conservative individuals that find my skin color to be a threat by my very existence.
Then comes a man on, of course social media. He commences to address an entire city about Martin Luther King, Jr. Let me say this first and foremost. It is clear NO ONE that looks like me wants to die at the hands of anyone before their time! The point of the protests have not been to get killed, or thrown in jail, in the very system that destroys people of color on a minute by minute basis. The point of any protests I’m sure; is to garner attention and essentially get results! But this man places a photo up of MLK in a march taken at the end of the 1965 voting rights march from Selma to Montgomery and compares it to the looting that individuals are doing in a rage from the effects of the MURDER of a black man in the streets in 2020!
Of course King was against violence but he was often times placed in violent situations because of the racist and fascist people he went up against. Hence the rise of the Black Panther Party and all other leaders that felt we needed justice by any means necessary. I reminded the group that peaceful protests, especially back in day, usually ended in violence, not at the hands of the protestors, but at the hands police and military and heads of state.
He thought I was insane and his response was this: “Khrystian Nichole ur attempt at the inaccurate   portrayal of this picture is disturbing cuz Dr King was nvr involved in a riot cuz he felt that riots were just as bad as social n economic inequality but a riot did break out aft he was associated which im sure he would condemn”
Duh! 🙄 That was my point! I should’ve stopped there but, no, I kept talking to someone that has only read books, watched movies, and heard stories but doesn’t live in my skin to FEEL the effects of historically leaders and the marks they made due to the color of their skin looking just like mine.
Because I went off and said, “Tony Aguilar I suppose you don’t remember all the times he was arrested...? Or pushed by police...? Most peaceful protests back in the day ended with those being hosed down or tear-gased hence my depiction of peaceful protests. It’s always been about POWER. And the narrative is always one race over the other. Modern day, or liken it to, how Kaepernick attempted to take a knee in silent protest and got called a POS by the President, was boycotted, and black balled from playing in the NFL🤷🏾‍♀️ The very term riot would indicate some form of uproar but you continue to a good night minimizing the larger issues at hand that we both know don’t involve either a protest, riots, or rage 👍🏾 I personally find education and voting in elections other than the presidential election or using my money as a more effective use of protest and change”
Why? Why did I think I could reason with the unreasonable.
He responds, “ Khrystian Nichole what exactly is the bigger picture cuz despite everything Dr King condemned violence as do I, and kaepernick is not playing cuz he's a shitty QB and I'm not sure if u knw this or not but police r not elected“
I know! Why did I keep going, right? You can say it! I’m saying it myself because now the man is just fishing for an argument for the sake of argument and I gave it to him. Knowing full well, in hindsight I’d proven my point in my very first picture representation of how “peaceful” protests ended, especially when he himself agreed with me in his ending rebuttal unbeknownst to him.🙄 In my opinion he totally went into nonsense instead of debating the problem of what people went through back in the 60’s trying to peacefully protest and what people go through in 2020 attempting to protest. Which was my only point. After you can’t do anything else...you resort to everything else and I think that’s what’s happening around this country where our leader constantly invites hate and anger each time he opens his mouth. The climate of this country is HOT waiting to blow...
Meanwhile...I was going to go back and forth...but I remembered I didn’t have to for all the above reasons I’ve written above. I will never again.

Here’s the photograph I posted

Below is what I remember and know of PEACEFUL protests, and didn’t even feel the need to post his many arrest mug shots. The people back then that didn’t look like MLK and me called him a criminal as well...NOW, today he’s a Hero with a day celebrating his birthday!  

Here’s what Tony Aguilar posted to which I responded to

Here is the FULL quote that most racist Americans love to partially quote in rebuttal of what’s happening in America right now. 

 But again, let’s be clear! This man photographed below in front of an American flag, the man that’s being quoted. That man was disliked then...

In case you forgot, hear it from his very own flesh and blood daughter!

Riots and Rage

For those that questioned, looked confused, posted ignorance or pointed fingers: this is what rage and riots can do

There is always a flip side to effectiveness and decisions that are made in rage. Here’s a take from a gentleman I don’t know, but he’s obviously a central speaking force for the Atlanta, Georgia area and quite clearly respected and known throughout the country: Killer Mike

https://youtu.be/5-ib1w4YrS8

Get to the POLLS! Effect change by the judicial systems. The very system that enforces laws. Let’s drive every mayoral and senatorial election that takes place! Learn how shit works and then use it to your advantage! Everything Killer Mike said in the video! If you didn’t watch it, go back and watch it. It’s 8 minutes and it’s powerful! 

STOP the Black Dollar! America understands money! Effect change on July 7th by not spending a dime to these large corporations run by racist philanthropist putting the money you work for into systems meant to hold you down and suppress us! They make money off the very American backs that they hold down and abhor! 

Think SMART! Start from the inside out.

Another Black Man Down

I couldn’t and can’t bring myself to view the video of George Floyd, or any other human life taken on film. I couldn’t watch the video of Ahmad Arbery, or Eric Garner, or any. I can barely watch fictional films of people, that are actors, when they’re portrayed dying so I know full well my spirit and mental couldn’t take watching life taken from someone by the hands of an evil person.
If you can kill someone in cold-blood you are a murderer plain and simple. These people have no remorse and no fear of their consequences for doing it either. These men that are being killed in broad daylight, often times, young men, are unarmed. A lady in my comments asked, what in the world is wrong with people?! Her question, is in defense of those of us that appropriately respond to the ever present issues in the world of race relations, police brutality, or just decent human rights. When peaceful protests are acted out such as taking a knee to “stand” for something causes a man to be shunned from his livelihood (the NFL) fired, then blackballed. There is No recourse or justification for what an angry, fed up person will do. Don’t continually push people back into a wall and then get surprised at how they come out swinging! It won’t be pretty, you meant for it not to be the moment you cornered them!
I ask the same question: What in the world is wrong with people?! My question moreover is not actually meant to be answered as actions of people clearly answer the question for me. The question is more to take pause.
As Will Smith has publicly said, but I’m certain others have said it as well, “Racism is not getting worse. It’s getting filmed.” It gets filmed for the world to see it play it, most times in real time. It’s no longer depicted through imagery or cartoonish images for history to diminish the pain that was caused for hundreds of years. Are some people whose ancestors never went through it to say, “oh it wasn’t that bad!” Or to compare it to other fascists historical events! Black people are sick of it! We’ve been sick of it.
We feel it.
Everyday.
Even on our best days many of us still deal with RACISM and the privilege that comes with America. (I’ll write another blog on race later)
I haven’t been able to find the words for a few days to articulate the incredulous way George Floyd’s life was mercifully taken. I haven’t been able to build the strength to write or DEFEND the millions of ignorant Americans that spew hate messages across their social media pages, or respond in comments telling Black Americans how to feel, what to feel, or how to react to the dangerous lives we live!
I’m hurt!
I’m hurt for the two daughters of George Floyd. I’m hurt for the people that stood as witness to the untimely and inhumane death of George Floyd. I’m angry that peaceful protests, such as kneeling, or marching, aren’t respected or tolerated BUT neither are outburst or protests. I’m angry because instead of blame being focused on the individuals that committed this tragic crime, bystanders and videographers that were probably terrified and threatened themselves are being victimized! Had those people done or said anything that were standing out there, it would be more than one person dead that day.
It’s disgusting!!
I’m angry, but, ALL Americans should be angry as well.
ALL.
I don’t care what his alleged crime was. No one deserves to die on a street with an oppressors KNEE IN YOUR NECK literally choking the life out of you! That grown man yelled for his mama!! A 46 year old man, whose mother was dead, could think of no one to call on except his mama! The one woman that protected him for 9 months! The one woman that nurtured, provided, and no doubt interceded and protected his life all the years she was living!
Angry!
I’m angry and annoyed with that clown in the White House that spends countless hours mocking media and fabricating fake news instead of taking action against issues that matter to the American people and that save lives!
All of America should be responding!!!
I don’t need rocks crying out for me! God hears me and the others of us taking stands against injustices of this sort. So if you’ve been quiet, for whatever your reasons, STAY quiet as you watch these riots and fires break out in Minneapolis! You should be on edge about a life taken, but you’re pissed and worried about a stupid building. GTFOH!! You’re lucky I’m a Christian and won’t use bad language! A city that’s supposed to protect its citizens KILLS it’s citizens and those police officers don’t get charged with murder! Patience is OVER. Patience ain’t thin, it’s OVER!
You want to know how to change this! Prosecute those men! You want to know how to fix this! Provide proper training for these police officers and WHEN or IF they get write ups for police brutality or excessive force and for God’s sake if they kill someone in the line of duty there needs to be a psychological testing done, and then place them on desk duty or light duty! They aren’t deserving of a pass!! You want to know how to change this. STOP making excuses for killing black men and sparing the lives of these criminals who are caught in the act of their killing sprees and hate crimes! Justice is how you fix this. Be swift!
I’m angry that another black man’s life has to be a hashtag in order to affect change. It’s another black man down. The worst part of what has happened and what is being reported is the country is divided in that some people are mourning today and the others are rejoicing. While we ALL should be outraged! We ALL should be tired!
This.
Is.
America.

Black.
Men.
Are.
Being.
Hunted.

Black.
Americans.
Are.
In.
Danger.

Is this America? Is this American?

Live in LOVE

God Brothers

My god brothers were my first friends. The first boys I saw get a whooping with their pants down. The first boys that protected me and in the same breath, the same boys that would bring little girls from their neighborhood over to me and say, “This is our god sister. She’ll beat you up if we tell her to.”

They kept me in trouble.

They kept me with my mouth opened-stunned by the things they would do or say.

They taught me how little boys should protect little girls and eventually how men should protect women.

Jarret and Jarrod. The names were synonymous. They are twins. I love them both the same. I fought with one and played well with the other. We grew up together. 

As we grew up dynamics changed. I became closer with the one I fought the most with. It didn’t matter though. Holidays, special days, and birthdays remained a constant for communication no matter what. Time passed and time stood still if we got together! Growing up there was no doubt a “bad” one and a “good” one! The mere perception that the “good” one was the “bad” one and vice versa still gives me a belly laugh every now and again. 

My brothers. I lost one this past August. 2019.

Gone way too soon...

I lost MUCH in 2019. Many people are disgusted by 2020 but 2019 was my worst year to date and I don’t want to experience anything else like it. The spiritual side of me is grateful for it all. But the human side of me knows it absolutely SUCKED!

My god brother. The one this world lost. He was sweet and thoughtful and always called me just to say, “I love you, sis!” Our last conversation was on Father’s Day. It was lengthy and it was before I went to church. It seemed that our hour of speaking was a lifetime because we talked about so much during that time. But we ended with, “love you and we’ll get together soon!” In the flesh we can’t...but I can chat with him in my dreams!

Relationship 102

Above all things; do what you did to get them 

#RelationshipAcademy

Relationship 101

Give flowers, and give them often or someone else will pick and hand deliver them🙊🌺💐
#RelationshipAcademy

Sanctuary

Your home can be a mansion, a fortress, an exotic palace, a two-story, one-story, shed, trailer, apartment, basement, high-rise, condo, shack, cottage, villa, shelter...whatever...it’s your HOME!

Your home is your sanctuary, or should be, so if you don't view your home in that light make changes immediately! Bickering may come with the territory of living in close proximity with someone...for I don't know...LIFE...but don't bicker as you enter your sanctuary. Try using politeness and kindness in your sanctuary. The world around your sanctuary is cruel enough without the cruel intentions brought into your sanctuary. 

Discuss work, life, issues, or concerns. Talk about high points and low points of your day without allowing them, or it, to negatively affect your disposition as you engage within your sanctuary.

De-stress and de-clutter your mind and space so that you are peaceful within your sanctuary. *Remember* no one can make your house a home except YOU (you represents those that LIVE within the home) 

Comfort Zone Danger⚠️

I had a revelation one day!

I'd been trapped in my comfort zone for well over a decade. I hadn't grown. We all know that anything that's not growing is unproductive or dead! Death produces nothing, takes in nothing, and for a lack of a better words my life had turned to nothing. That’s a huge statement so let me clarify: Yes, I was living, but I was only functioning. Doing the same cycle of events day by day, month by month, and year by year. 

I'd gotten comfortable with where I was in life. Not growing. Not moving forward. I'd gotten so comfortable I was living on a fixed income. Living pay check to pay check. Stagnant! 

When others would ask me, "Why haven't you written a book?" I said, “I am.” Truth is the book was sitting unwritten within my laptop on my bedside table. When people would say, "Since you're in education why don't you go for it and maybe teach upper levels, college or even go in to administration?" I'd dismiss the notion saying,  “I didn't want to be in education.” Truth was I didn't! But because I was actually very good at my job. I was great at growing students, building relationships with students, forging a bridge in the culture and climate of our campus with staff however, I'd gotten comfortable with the yearly schedule and comfortable with my job and the expectations of my job; I didn't have the courage to leave. 

When people would say, "Don't you have a degree in communications? Radio and tv? Why don't you do that?" I'd say, “I don't want to start over in a field that forces you to work your way through the ranks.” Truth is; I was tired of being underqualified with experience to do the job I wanted to do. When people would say, "You dance! Start a dance company." I would say, “I have one. I teach dance, but the overhead is too high to rent a space with the amount of students I have.” Truth is; I didn’t want to take a leap of faith. Even when my boyfriend (now husband) offered to fund the building and help me start my business I brushed the idea off because of fear with the unknown. “Will I have students?” “Will that cause me to be in more debt?” “What if I fail?” “I have too much other stuff going on!”

Truth is...all of those are excuses and they are unacceptable! I should have known better. But because I dangled a bit of bait around by doing the bare minimum or skating around the edges of my comfort zone; I saw no growth!  

There are a few things you MUST be if you ever want to be Amazing or Great and COMFORTABLE is not one of them!

I encourage you today. Yes, YOU! Get it and get moving into putting those best laid plans into action. It doesn’t take much. Whether you have support or not. Whether you actually understand the magnitude of your belief or not! Just move!  I read a few days ago an action plan and I absolutely love it: Simple Task + Easy Act = Big Impact

Choose to make a big impact with your life. And then choose to do it over and over again! Get out of your comfort zone! Years ago I wrote about kicking the box over and removing it from your life when you feel boxed in. Every now and then a reminder is needed! Today is that day! Beware of your comfort zone! There is DANGER in your comfort zone! Avoid it! 

Best wishes!!

Marriage Gem #11 💎

You are still yourself while married. It doesn't change your fundamental core, it should only enhance your outward shine.

Notice two things-

1. You are STILL yourself. That's why it's important to be equally yoked AND have the same fundamental values. 
2. Marriage is life-long dating with the same person day in and day out. Don’t punk out and do the cowardly things.

Marriage in and of itself is definitely difficult at times. Learning each other, sometimes everyday. Growing together, sometimes in different directions. Maintaining stability while still trying to keep it mobile, then changing it up over and over so it doesn’t get stale. It’s ever changing and WORK! 

That’s why I think it’s so vital to marry your FRIEND. No! Don’t go call Johnny or Janey over and propose because you’ve been friends since grade school, or you’ve met them at work and clicked. I’m saying your significant other should be considered your friend. Because when the looks fade (guts and bellies happen), sex gets played (there’s just so many oohs and ahhs you can get), money dwindles (there can be lows), life or death occurs (inevitable)...I could go on but I won’t. You need your friend by your side. Not a superficial idea of what marriage is but a real true confidant to remain by your side to lift you up or hold you down when you feel as if you’ve lost yourself. 

You can lose yourself in building your family, a demanding career, or a humbling hobby, or some other endeavor you take on throughout life. In the 90’s it was called a homie, lover, friend. Your mate has to be an entire package. Homie= you can laugh and joke with. Poke fun at life with and not take yourself so seriously. Lover= you share true intimacy with. An intimacy that you don’t share, or haven’t shared with anyone else. The intimacy sets them apart from everyone else you’ve encountered. It’s physical, emotional, spiritual all wrapped in one! Friend= your confidant, a genuinely honest, non judgmental pairing of two people. Once you find, (or ladies) have been found hold onto those fundamentals.

Take care in that person you’ve chosen and decided to share your life with. Marriage doesn’t just begin after you jump the broom! It really transforms after the honeymoon is OVER!

I do! Now what...

Weddings can be fancinating and frustrating depending on who you’re speaking with! 

After an engagement most people become inundated with numerous questions that they have NO idea how to answer or even where to start. I say: 

Start by just enjoying the moment!!🎉 Make that moment matter by extending it if you have to. Plan a staycation or travel off for a fun day-trip or weekend getaway with your fiancé! 

After enjoying the MOMENT (day/weekend/month), grab a cocktail or two then decide your type of wedding (small or large, romantic or rustic, sit down or buffet, wine, mixed drinks, or both, DJ or band, or both, etc) from there it’ll begin to come together. The point is to enjoy your fiancé first and the moment that essentially is singlehandedly one of the biggest decisions of your entire life. Joining two families together!

Riddle Me This

No you’re easy. Effortless. No one has to court you or compliment you or even lie to you they simply call and you answer. Doesn’t matter the day or time you’re available for them to have their way and they don’t have to be connected or concerned for your feelings since you’re only a text, dm, or dial a (roach) away. 

Desperate at the mere think that what you have is real outside of the two of you. Good thing you’re not paid to think.

No substance. 

No soul. 

No morals. 

No dignity. 

No fulfillment. 

Just lust. 

Just sin. 

Just destruction. 

Just a sunken place. 

Just detriment. 

Continue enjoying that. That’s all the satisfaction you get in this life and the after...

A.lways A. W.illing (Loser)

Perception

Some people have a perception of you and they’ll try and use it against you. To categorize you or to label you because they have insecurities in getting to know you by simply asking you a question or communicating effectively with you. That, I’ve learned, is not your concern! In my opinion; it’s entertaining to hear or see it play out (sometimes) but don’t allow what others perceive of you to weigh in on your psyche. Let God handle them...He does it much better!  

Savage or Salvage

In other news this pandemic has been life altering and downright savage but through the fire, smoke and ashes comes some sense of renewed strength. Thinking of how schools are ending, I’m enjoying the virtual graduations, end of the year award programs, and fair well videos. This should be kept up. In my 15ish years of education this is the first time I have been able to attend a graduation of my past students and it was delightful! 

Not saying stop traditional forms of entertainment and recognition but the renewal or revamping of it is most definitely required and deserved. It’s another form of historical reference leaving a digital footprint for memories and years to follow. Families are spending more time together and redesigning what home entertainment looks like. Health and wellness have been more traditionalized from those that at one time couldn’t find the time to get exercise or good eating in.  I’ve been seeing some good things come from this wretched pandemic so I hope it sticks as we move forward with rebuilding, rebranding, reenergizing our economy and lifestyles.