When You Can't Run Any Longer

You can run as long and as far as your body will allow...then you can rest up, catch your breathe, and start running again until your legs give out, your heart races, and you begin to see spots in the sky in front of you. That's what I did! I ran. I ran marathons...and I hate running unless I'm being chased. Ironically; I could say God was chasing me. His spirit of giving, or service, could have been chasing me. I. Was. Hunted. Or haunted, whichever way you choose to view the glass. 

The first person that ever told me to take teaching, being an educator, or working in education seriously and all the way to the top was my daddy. He's a hard worker and doesn't believe in just "getting into" something. "If you're going to do it, why not be at the top? Be the best in the business. That's what I would do if I were you." He told me. I told him then, "No way! I'm not going to be in education that long. This is just something."

That was twelve years ago. Twelve years later; I'm STILL in education. Still teaching, training, caring for, and administering to middle school-age students. 

In my ninth year, I think: I want out of the classroom. I can't continue doing the same thing year after year: 1st day, meet the teacher, get to know you, almost identical curriculum in the same order year after year, followed by a brutal testing season that no one looks forward to. End of the year activities and bridge work... I'll go to school to be a diagnostician. I teach special needs students and there are so many students sitting in classrooms every day that are left undiagnosed. I can begin a career there.

Again, once I begin classes, my daddy has another conversation with me and says, "If I were you I'd be a principal or superintendent; what about a job in education on a national level? You should look into being the Secretary of Education." 😳

Me being a child of "obedience" I begin researching then put my special education studies on hold. I continue holding because; I'll be real with myself and say I got too comfortable, too common, too adjusted. I. Was. Content. 

Until I wasn't. I hate being common. I'm uncomfortable being too comfortable. Too regular. I re-enroll in school. Still studying special education. I don't like it. I feel like I'm studying what I already do daily. The monotony is disturbing. Depressing. I want more! I want out of the classroom. I feel claustrophobic. Suffocated. I dread going to work. I dread discussing work. I dread thinking about work. Suddenly Sunday's, which are my favorite day of the week, sickens me to my stomach because I dread Monday's...At. Work. I feel stuck...in a rut...I get multiple certifications to teach what I like: dance, all subjects 4th-8th, ESL...but it's not good enough. I have a "thirst" and it's not quenched with being contained in a classroom. All the while God has been placing me in positions that I was naive to. Team leader as a first year teacher, which I held throughout my entire teaching career, committee chairs (which I complained adamantly about under my breathe, of course) leading initiatives, writing curriculum, attending conferences, etc. Things I wouldn't have ever "posted" or discussed because I was ignorant to their value.

It took me speaking with university advisors about career options with Special Education versus Education Administration, even then, about another four conversations with my Cookie Monster for me to finally agree to study educational administration. "Now, tell me again why aren't you going to school to be a principal?" "How long will it take you?" "I don't understand why you wouldn't want to be a principal," I'd get asked anytime we discussed our day😳

He has the same mentality as my daddy, if I didn't get a chance to say that before. So now I have it double duty...and heavy! As coocoo for Cocoa Puffs as I am; my internal motivation may just have been to get them to shut up about it. Lol. 

Never the less; I'm studying administration and it's everything I've been doing and not getting the pay for so the work load comes easy for me. Tedious, yet simplistic, and relevant to the job I already do everyday as an academic coach. 

I say all this to say: I'd been running. Around and around (a track) wasting time. Or if I look at the glass as half full, as I tend to do; I'll say I've been in "training". It took a slight push...ok, kick from Coach Daddy and Coach Cookie Monster, much support from my (greatest cheerleader) mommy but I'm completing it! August 20th is near. I'd rush it if I wasn't so self-absorbed about my vacation time. I've now passed the certification test, I'm in my last class, going into completing the final internship hours, then all this hassle will definitely be worth the tassel! ...new goals will be established! Another race will begin.

Runners on your mark...