Khrystian Tid-bit

Placing expectations on someone we first meet will set you up for failure every time.  I supposedly think like a man in more ways than I care to share, however one thing I know is certain:  When you first meet someone, whether you’re a man meeting a nice woman or a woman meeting a dapper man; please stop with the idiosyncrasies the moment you say hello to each other.  This was brought back to my attention during yet another one of my book club meetings (a different one this time).  We read the recommended read from the essence book club, The Conversation by Hill Harper.  It’s a book all about how black men and women can build loving and trusting relationships.  Now, I know what you’re about to say, “How can Hill Harper teach anyone about being in a healthy relationship when he’s single and not qualified?!”

You’re absolutely right!  How can he?!  Well, honestly; he’s NOT doing any of the above mentioned!  It’s more of a series of his own quests to figure out what’s wrong with him, or I should say, what he can do to help himself “look in the mirror” and figure out his own self worth and issues with relationships past, current and future!  It’s sort of like if I took my blog and interviewed a few people based on my topics and got it published…hmm…a thought!  I digress!
Any who, he writes sort of a self portrait of himself and now, because of it he’s got all the world a-buzzing!

I’ll be the first to admit; when I picked up the book and read the first couple of pages I put the book down.  I wasn’t going to read it.  I thought it was yet another one of “those”.  I figured, man…I know what he’s about to say and how he’s about to say it and why he’s about to say it.  After actually reading the entire book, my opinion didn’t change!  LOL!  It just didn’t!  BUT, I respect his book.  I respect it enough to have read it.  I respect it enough to discuss it at my book club, and I respect it enough to share on my blog.

One thing that caused me not to turn a deaf ear to him was his perspective.  I loved his perspective!  He’s a highly educated graduate of Brown as well as Harvard, a world traveler, a spiritually grounded single man, and if that’s not enough; a man in search of truth and even more knowledge!  Major turn-ons for me!  Any who, again; I digress!

The particular point I want to discuss at this time, is the statement I made earlier: Placing expectations on someone we first meet will set you up for failure every time.  During our book club discussion one of the ladies asked how we felt about Hill, on page nine of the book, telling a woman he was going to call her, and then not calling her until a month later.  Okay!  Most of the women in the book club were livid.  One even said, “Unacceptable because the same way you begin a relationship, is the same way you will end a relationship.”  (I kind of agree…but then that disputes Christianity and the ability to change in the twinkling of an eye!)  Careful what you say, and how quickly you let a judgment fly from your mouth.  (I was talking to myself there, but if the shoe fits for you too…WEAR IT!)

DAG!! For the last time, back to the point-another lady said; “I would have been upset and had to explain to him that the behavior was unacceptable.”  Low and behold; I made my comment.  “I’ll have to check my sources to be accurate, but I’m pretty sure, he never gave her a date he was going to call.  Why would you place expectations on this man you’ve just met an hour before-hand and may or may not see again?”

Why did I say that?!  They were all over me.  Saying it was the “man” in me.  Figuring I’m giving men excuses and ways out of being the ideal man for them.  But honestly!  You can’t give these sorts of expectations.  Alas!  I found it on the bottom of page nine.  He told her he’d call when she asked if he would, but never said a time!!  My opinion might be different, had he told her, “I’m going to call you tomorrow,” and called a month later; but that wasn’t the case.  So…ladies…AND gentlemen-because we ALL do it-

Please stop with these expectations, rules and heavy stipulations!!!  If you like someone when you first meet them-GREAT! If you don’t-Cool…you’re better off.  I just feel when we place all these stipulations on the men and women we’re dating; they’re bound to fudge up.  What’s the saying, “rules are meant to be broken”; at least the unreasonable kind?  The kind that makes the guy or girl think something is detrimentally wrong with you and they soon discover that your antics are the precise reason why you are single and will remain single for a very long time!  So he said he would like to see you soon? Who cares, life can’t stop because he said he would like to see you soon.  Get it?  It takes me back to an earlier blog, one that I’ll re-post soon since Valentines is fast approaching, that states keeping “you” occupied.  It encompasses spending time with self, enjoying self and having a great time with self.  When you master self…and learn to understand and appreciate yourself, it makes it easier to accept or enjoy the company of someone else, and not anxiously anticipate their arrival.

Check yourself ;-)
Smooches!