Day 40

I’m 40 days to becoming 40 🎂 I chose a picture as close to this same day last year as I could find with the caveat that my phone shattered so I didn’t have many, if any, choices 😞I choose to countdown in this way because chapter 40 is about to be the SHAKE UP & BREAK THROUGH that I desperately need whether I’m ready or not 🎉 #CountdownToForty #Day40 #FreshStart #Omen 

It’s a snapshot. Captured by a phone. It’s not a professional picture. In fact, it’s a cropped picture of a picture. In this picture I was chilling, excited to take a photo with my crab sister (band heads understand this terminology. It means the other young lady that entered into the majorette squad the same year and line as myself) 

We were haphazardly standing around chatting waiting on dress rehearsal for an alumni homecoming performance. I had been checking my watch because my daughter was with my mom and had been since I had gotten my hair washed and styled earlier that day. I was thinking; I thought dress rehearsal days were SHORT and quick- hit it, quit it days- and yet this particular dress rehearsal was taking abnormally long to both; get started and to end. I remember not wanting my mom to think I was taking advantage of her watching my daughter and thinking I was just hanging out or homecoming partying. I remember thinking, my husband is going to think I’m reliving college days. I remember thinking, I better take photos so I can have memories of this night and this event because every year I participate I’m caught up in the moment and hardly ever have REAL memories and since we’re actually just standing around talking; let me capture us in a photo. We hadn’t taken a picture together since we performed fourteen years earlier and we both had changed inwardly and outwardly and the sentiment needed to be captured. 

That’s how year 40 will begin for me...capturing moments. Taking them in. Living in the moment and having some form of keepsake captured to relive the moment or sentiment over and over again! Moments are fleeting! 

At the time captured in this photo I had just begun to move around again after the loss of my baby, Kayla Noellé, back in July. I was NOT okay. I was faking it. Faking loose conversations. Faking putting on a face and hair and a smile. I had a friend that helped me bounce into the performance at the last minute and I knew, I just knew she was watching my every move to make sure I was okay, and because I knew that. Because I knew I was under a microscope from those that loved me...or even those that didn’t love me, but that knew about my tragic Loss, I put a smile on my face and just danced and laughed and smiled in pictures and held mindless conversations, etc. That’s the strength of a woman. A human. We do what we have to do. Suck it up. Put a smile on our face and keep it moving. Countdown to 40.

Those that know me, know I take birthdays seriously...let’s see how this road that leads to 40 actually travels! Day 40 to 40 🎂 

1 Month

You coo and smile often!

Your sister makes you smile the most and she entertains you when you’re awake!

You hold your head up!

You don’t like to be swaddled because you like your arms free! 

You sweat in your head a lot but you love being held while you sleep!

You eat every 3 hours!

You said, “light!” 

Breaking News!

Breaking news, smaking news! For those that continue to spread the local, national, and international news of all of Trump’s salacious moves, gossip, and real deal exposures I must pose the question:

Why?!

His backers, fans, and cult-followers aren’t trying to hear it and just like Trump himself; continue to make excuses for his behaviors AND just when you think there’s NO excuse for his actions, behaviors, or speeches; the cult, who I call Trumpers; decide to drudge up anybody from the past that they can attempt to compare or minimize Trump’s actions against.

I’ve never seen anything like it! From powerful positions to minimal positions; people that back this man do so in such a way that they’d rather bring up the past “tax receipts” of a dead man, whom, mind you they don’t provide the proof for...they just put out the “thought” by saying, “I wonder what everyone would say about ______________ (insert any innocent dead man that has NOT one thing to do with Trump, or 2020, or the life we’re currently living) taxes” 

They say something along those lines rather than to admit Trump is not the President they imagined him to be, or even the human being they imagined him to be! That he has a multitude of indiscretions and an innumerable amount of misconducts on his record. That he’s an American citizen, just like any other celebrity or person that has been placed on a pedestal and doesn’t for the most part, do the best job, but he gets something done. I could respect that MORE than attempting to deflect his actions by comparing someone else.

Why?! 

These people are not logically thinking. 

The only concern for them is to re-elect Trump.

So why?!

Why continue to go back and forth with them?

Why attempt to speak logic to the illogical?

Don’t even argue with them because the moment a dead man’s past doesn’t work they will bring up Obama, or Biden, or George Washington...anyone but keep the focus on Trump. 

Strong eye roll and loud mic drop because I’m sick of the “breaking news” that doesn’t hold the man accountable. The news has turned into a gossip magazine that just spreads information to us (American citizens), we discuss it, possibly get angry, spew the “news” on social media, get our timeline into a frenzy, find out who our “real friends are”, determine many people think differently than us, then we get back to whatever it is we’ve been doing. Trump obviously sleeps well at night and everyone is in a tizzy behind what we watch, read, or hear from the news. 

The real breaking news is when he’s held to the same standard as every other American citizen. Until then...Miss us (well me! I’ll only speak for myself. Some people want to know it) with the Breaking News alerts on Trump

Personal Investments

When a person has no personal investment in something or someone they can and will act an Ass. Jackass that is! It becomes real easy to walk away, give up, renege, not give effort, show no concern, etc. and on and on when a person feels they have nothing to lose. No personal investment.

An investment says, "I take stake in what's about to go down. I take ownership in the decisions I choose. Choices matter for the time being as well as for long-term." 

When an investment is made, a COMMITMENT is made. An investment says, I'm planning for my future. 

 

By all means avoid anyone that doesn’t make a personal investment in a situation or relationship. 

3rd Trimester! 💙

I’m SO grateful to be this far along in my pregnancy! I truly am. Lord knows I am experiencing almost every ache and pain you could be experiencing at 34 weeks! 

My little boy joy is measuring big...at 34 weeks, the average size is around 4lbs, while my Joy is a whooping 6 pounds and 2 ounces! He’s also sitting low, which is no surprise because he’s been lying low the entire pregnancy but there’s is such intense pressure that I experience I sometimes can’t walk. Long distances- they are a strong No! Sitting for too long isn’t always the answer either because then it takes an entire act of Congress to get up! 

Exaggerations...NO! Definitely not!

This morning as I attempted to roll out of bed to go to the restroom I caught the world’s evil force of a Charlie Horse 🐎 Man when I tell you that stallion seemed to travel up and down my calf as if it was on the horse track. It stifled my movements and took my breathe away. I squeezed the muscle SO tight until the only the I could muster from my mouth was the sweetest name I know...JESUS! Perhaps the pain wouldn’t have been so bad if my belly wasn’t in the way of moving to reach my leg easily, or perhaps the carpal tunnel I’m experiencing in my dominant hand, which, at its worst pain brings a tear to my eye. 

Most nights are low impact. I use pillows to prop up, include my water or...errr Dr. Pepper (give me a break, I can’t drink what I really want so I settle for the burn and sizzling sensation of soda...sue me) and attempt to sleep on my side...which NEVER works! I toss and turn attempting to find a comfortable, suitable position to no avail. I finally dose off somewhere between one and two only to be awaken by the sudden, sometimes painful, kicks, flips, punches (let’s just call it movement) of my precious growing baby boy! 

3am. 3am. 3am! Without fail he wakes me up, because he is WIDE awake moving and shaking at 3am! I’m up, on any given day at 3am I am up from the uncomfortable movement of this active little boy. I say ouch, I shift, I hurl over, then I cower, and lastly I say, “Thank you Jesus for his movement and excitement to meet me.” Then I ask my baby, “What are you doing in there?!” I then, attempt to calm him by rubbing the elbow, knee, arm, head, little bottom that I may be feeling as he seemingly flips around in my belly. 

I then get a slight urge of fear and panic come over me thinking what if the umbilical cord is wrapped around him and he’s trying to get loose! Then I feel no movement for a clear 6 minutes! My heart skips a beat, I close my eyes and say, “Jesus keep my baby secure! I can’t wait to meet him.” And like a switch flip of a light, he moves again. This time calmly...just enough that I know he’s there. He heard me. He relaxes. His small but mighty movements continue until about 4ish am then I fall asleep only to be woken again at about 5ish by my bladder and some slight kicks to it that make me move as fast as I can waddle to the restroom!

Just within the last few days I have a numbing neck pain massaging is the only thing that gives way. When it first begin I couldn’t move my neck from the left, right, up or down, but since then I’ve pushed through and it’s a more manageable pain.

The good news is! Besides my son being healthy is that I’m healthy as well! No signs of preeclampsia like I experienced with Khloé, no swelling of any extremities especially my feet. I do however take precautions by drinking water, taking low grade aspirin, for 20 weeks I’ve had to get progesterone shots in the muscles of my arms (let me tell you! It’s a fighting pain! I wouldn’t wish on my worse enemy...well maybe my enemy...God ain’t through with me yet. In Jesus’ name!) 

I say all this above to say: God bless us Mama’s! We go through a lot to keep our babies safe, some of us to even conceive I’ve been learning through friends and pregnancy groups, to carry our babies a full term, to have a safe and healthy labor and delivery...being a mother, is such a blessing and a natural phenomenon I’m in awe of our strength! 

God bless those trying, those during your pregnancy, and delivering, those contemplating life changing decisions, and those that want but can’t bear! 

Nah. Let’s not do this...

This is a photo taken and below is the link to the article: (RETURNING TO SCHOOL: Thrall ISD, a Central Texas school district in Williamson County, reopened its classrooms Aug. 10, one of the first in this area. Here's a look at what the school day looked like for these kiddos (📸: Thrall ISD): https://www.kvue.com/article/news/education/schools/thrall-isd-reopens-school-buildings-august-10-one-of-first-central-texas-school-districts/269-78065b94-54cd-4af3-96c0-db74177c33ef )

So in my mind thinking consciously, and with a pandemic mindset at the forefront, social distancing in school does not have to seem/look/feel lonely. Lunch time could include something engaging like playing music or a show/video on the screen, Bingo, one of those put a finger down if or some other game combination. You could incorporate reading days or book reviews. Classroom teachers usually know how to be inventive with activities for learning during the instructional setting and although group work seems as if it’s the end all be all and ideal at all times, there are instances in...dare I say it; this life where we don’t get to rely on someone else’s opinion or thoughts to formulate an answer to a question or critically think.  Read alouds, silent solos, writing prompts, Gallery walks, show and tell, call and respond, sharing circles were kids are spread apart in groups and have topics to learn and discuss, I could go in and on...but these are all ways to learn in an educational setting and still remain socially distant....AND they are good instructional practices!

I repeat social distancing doesn’t have to look/feel/seem depressing or sad or even mundane. We, the adults, just have to be more inventive and creative. I’m thinking of this pandemic as the resurgence of educational practices. Perhaps we’ve become stagnant in our ways of teaching and stopped thinking outside of the box to inform and entertain kids.

These next few months won’t be a slow walk in the park for anyone because it’s new territory and with new territory you could feel stifled or stuck or lost or discombobulated or even frustrated when you have an idea in your head and the experience doesn’t match the expectation but I’m here to tell you to think positively about the opportunities to shift culture and the entire educational experience!

Use some of the suggestions I gave above or research others. Those few were the ones I came up with while typing out this blog so I’m quite sure if I went back into my mental Rolodex, catalogue of activities, or chose any of the tons of books I have on instruction off my library shelf I could come up with more or adjust and refine something else to fit my needs. You can and should do the same! 

Good luck and reach out to me if needed to assist you! I’m open to help!

Prayers 🙏🏾

I’m praying today for all my family, friends, and readers that are going through struggles physically or spiritually, mind, or body during this time. So many of us suffer in silence or go through things without anyone even noticing because often times a smile will overshadow and mask any issues we’re facing. 

We’ve been in a state of pandemonium for over four months now. Isolation is not the answer but living and breathing in fear is worse, especially during this time of hurt, sickness, death, life, birth, etc.

My prayer today is whatever stress, worry, or sin you have is cast into the Sea of Forgetfulness, never to be brought up again! 

My prayer is that pain, anger, hurt, or sadness you feel is removed and pleasant rewards and joy that only our Father, which is in heaven, can heal and provide! 

As you may mourn or suffer a loss, allow the good and faithful memories that you hold deep in your heart to carry you over the bridge into a city of extreme PEACE!

When entering a new destination either professionally or personally, I pray the Lord continues to guide your steps, keep a lamp lit to order your steps and keep your enemies under your heel the entire route! 

I pray only goodness departs your mind and blessings impart your life with a take over so abundant you won’t have room enough to receive it all; you’ll have to give some away...and when you give it away; I pray those blessings are given to a receiving hand and cheerful heart! 

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen and good day!