If It’s Up, Then It’s Up

I heard a song and when I heard it; the beat was catchy, the lyrics; although not particularly any way I would EVER speak, spoke to me. Her first two lines of the track’s intro referenced a woman speaking unkindly about another woman and the reason...you guessed it- because of a man finding her attractive.

My mind went to something my mother told me as I was heading off to college. She said, “Khrystian; one thing is certain: you’ve never been in mess and you haven’t been involved in any messes, but one reason a girl will dislike you or attempt to cause you harm will be behind a man! And nine times out of ten the man won’t seriously want

her or you. Y’all are too young for all of that!”

My recollection might not be verbatim but that was most definitely the gist. She was right!! I never had a “real” boyfriend until in my late 20’s, early 30’s. I did, for a fact, have enemies because of them. Inboxes galore due to social media and lots of he said, she said. But nothing would’ve prepared me for marriage! 

Everyone was quiet as church mice while we dated. He courted me heavily so we were always together, but Bay. Bey. Marriage! 

That man proposed and my inbox flooded from random faceless accounts...one had the audacity to use her real account but her approach was respectful and to clear a name she thought I’d been privy too. Little did she know; she wasn’t in my radar by not even a thousand mile radius headed east or west. Chicks racked up my number, stalking me, you name it, I just might have experienced it. I’ve never been approached or confronted negatively with any name-calling but I’ve definitely “heard” things through the dustiest grapevine imaginable just as the song mentioned.

Honestly, it’s always the insecure girl name-calling. Upset because a man she wanted, wants someone else....and my Lord...when he solidifies it, no matter how much lying he did to maintain that insecure girl. She’s hurt. But instead of taking her frustrations out on the man that misled her. Taking her anger out on the man that abused her. Taking her rage out on the man that used her. Taking her emptiness out on the man that mishandled her. Taking her bitterness out on the man that betrayed her little heart. Taking her brokenness out on the man that disregarded her. Taking her fury out on the man that discarded her...

She’d rather trash-talk the woman HE CHOSE. Cardi B has been there before like so many of us. Somebody is there right now and then there’s someone who’s headed to it. One thing I do know, two things for sure. I’m an adult and a lady. The only man I would ever physically fight behind is NOW...my son. You almost really can’t miss me with my daddy or brother but above that; I most definitely will not and ain’t (yes I said ain’t) fighting over no man! I don’t condone fighting and it’s classless.

“Once upon a time I heard that I was ugly. Came from a chick who’s man wants to (MARRY) me.” 🎶 🎵 

(I can’t bring myself to use the vulgarities of the song on my blog. Listen to the song to hear the real lyrics in full if you’d like.) Yes, we are all grown, but I’m still a laaaaaay daaaay- in my Sheneneh Jenkins voice. 

Chicken Salad: SGG Eats! Food Chronicles

I don’t know too many people that don’t like a good chicken salad. For me; it’s turned into a quick, simple lunch dish to eat (before my baby weight loss journey, on bread) with wheat crackers, or wrapped in lettuce, or simply with a fork.

My recipe is simple:

Chicken (usually canned or chopped from leftovers), mayonnaise, spicy sweet relish, purple onion, onion and garlic powders, celery seed, then mustard (I use jalapeño mustard- I love spicy food, although it doesn’t actually make it spicy just sassy!) 

I’m no executive chef but it’s good to me! 

Baby Weight

I was utterly and completely in denial about my increase in weight after my baby boy. I just KNEW I had snapped right on back to size. It didn’t help that everyone, with the exception of my core family (mom, dad, husband) was saying, “you don’t even look like you had a baby!” “Girl, you’re small!” “You look good girl!” “You ain’t never lost it!”

Now I’m not saying they were lying....but I’m saying they exaggerated....and maybe, just maybe...I was so huge before I delivered that they figured.... “dang....you lost all that baby weight fast!”

The fact of the matter was; I did lose weight but after being on quarantine and getting to a healthy level of ‘my baby is good on breast milk’ I started clowning! Literally! Just out here living reckless! Drinking margaritas everyday. If I didn’t buy them from restaurants I was making them at home and filling my large yeti-style cups with them. I drank NO, absolutely NO water....I’m surprised my milk supply is even to this day still in existence. I was eating carbs like crazy...and there’s nothing wrong with living your best life, but you all; I was out here not even exercising! I break sweats moving, er, walking around the house with the ac on.

Exercise has become an exhausting task that use to be somewhat fulfilling since I’ve always been a dancer. But when I say I would sweat profusely just from standing outside, or standing in a room full of people, or from mopping, sweeping, vacuuming!

All with that I STILL was in slight denial. Sure, I would say to myself- “get it together! You have got to exercise. Your belly still looks like a pregnant belly.” So I began vigorously saving Jeanette Jenkins videos and lobbying my 3, now 4 year old to work out with Mommy. I began to cook differently. Then ol’ satan would creep into my psyche: “What you doing all that for? You still fit your clothes! Ain’t nothing wrong with having a drink! You only get one life! You have to enjoy it!”

Y’all I was still, literally squeezing into my clothes (busting out of them) I was having to get my husband to help get me out of my own contraptions. I would yell for help and flail around the room...SWEATING...to get free! 

And if you can believe it...I STILL would run into the same patterns. Not drinking water, exercising OR eating right! It wasn’t until on vacation...that I haphazardly got onto the scale that, you know, they keep in the bathroom and it read: 180lbs 

180.

1.8.0

One. Hundred. Eighty.

Now I realize there are some of us that 180 is nothing but hear me when I say; 180 is the amount of pounds I was at 9 months carrying a 9lbs 13oz baby! 180 is not the amount of weight my 5 foot 5 inch woman POST baby body that’s trying to finagle her way into clothes, that’s clearly not made for her size should be!

It would be different if I didn’t feel bad. If I didn’t feel heavy and big or even if I liked what I saw when I looked in the mirror. It’s ALL about SELF confidence...SELF worth...SELF value. Trust me when I say my self esteem is not lacking....I just don’t like what I see or how I feel. I’m still fabulous, but I need to be a FITTER fabulous! A FINER fabulous! A FEEL GOOD fabulous!

So I write ALL that above to say:

I’ve begun my lifestyle journey. 

Day one I ate oatmeal for breakfast, goddess green salad for lunch, and grilled pork chop, salad and broccoli for dinner. I was hungry ALL day lol but I drank water ALL day as well. I failed at exercising on day one, but today is day two. I ate shredded wheat for breakfast, I’ll have chicken salad for lunch and we’ll see for dinner! 

But the journey has begun!!