It's a tricky, quite complicated thing. I've dated men without kids and men with kids. A person with kids never quite understands...or better yet, I'll say, never quite empathizes with the person without kids. It can be controversial and cause aching toes. Of course, relationships are most complicated
with kids! Questions arise:
Do you even like kids?
Can you handle someone else's kids?
What's the parental relationship like with the kids?
How old are the kids?
How many kids?
When is the appropriate time to meet/encounter kids?
How fresh was the past relationship that the kids came from?
These questions are just the few that are involved, but somehow, extremely crucial in making the decision to date someone with kids. For me, in a perfect world...Khrystian's World...every relationship I encountered or at least felt a connection to would not involve someone else's kids, however; in 2014 over the age of about twenty-five it could really be compared to finding a needle in a very large haystack...a man without kids, that is. Don't let him be easy on the eyes, great build, nice height...you know? Attractive! Don't let him be successful or at the very least goal oriented. They're likely to have multiple kids, especially when you hit the dirty thirties! I'm not saying there aren't any single, unattached, available, successful, ATTRACTIVE men out there with no kids, but what I am saying is, like me; they're the exception to the rule! The unicorn!
Trust me! This is not a knock on those of us with kids, without kids, or the kids themselves. It's just fact. MY facts. MY reality. And we can agree to disagree, but I'm telling you the sweet tea!
To be quite honest; the easiest relationship involving kids is, sorry to say this, but if and when the kids aren't from a "relationship". Meaning: kids were a by-product of solely having sexual intercourse. Then; either the man has a relationship or not, but the kids aren't majorly factored into relationships. That's not a bonus or preference, again, it's just FACT.
Take a situation where someone that has about four kids, all from "sexual encounters" or quite possibly relationships, but none ever ended up with marriage. The problem being; they only recognize and acknowledge, to this day publicly, one of the children although they all know of each other and actually have a sibling relationship with one another.
Being a sincere Daddy's Girl, myself; I couldn't and wouldn't handle that situation and eventually, a relationship is dismantled
Take another situation where the man has a kid or kids but they live out of state.
Then, you take another situation where the man publicly has multiple kids, but only one from a marriage, an actual union, and we wonder how it works? Kids are important to him, so protection of the kids is important. I agree. Protection from what you ask? I'll say- protection from in and out's. I have a problem with those that introduce their kids to every person they meet. That's just me! Kids are kids. If and when you're serious and close to that "next step" of being one is a good time for the kids to meet the significant other. Kandi Burress said, she'd prefer them to meet straight up. So if there's friction and the kids don't like the person you're dating; you know right away. She's the custodial (thanks Mom!) parent though. That means she has total and complete 24 hour care for her kid. In essence, the kid lives with her. Most men, not all, but most have visitation set-up so the kids don't necessarily live with them. They visit. Have weekends. Days or Nights, or even just moments. It's easier said than done, per se. You can have a serious relationship and never have a "need" to meet their kids. Me, and coming from someone without kids but who's experienced a lot directly and indirectly; I feel Kandi's thinking isn't the best way if you're not the custodial parent. If you tend to bore quickly yourself with a person you meet. If you're a serial dater, what's the use of the meeting and greeting, getting emotionally (or not) attached to the "newest" person? It's a drag! I loathe the revolving door of meeting and getting attached to a man I'm dating family, mother, father, grandparents, etc. so I know it has to be loathsome for kids. It really depends, clearly, on what works best for you.
With that said. Kids should remain in the kid's place and an adult remains the adult. The parent. A parent decides the right time and place, but never should there ever be disregard to either parties feelings. Protection of your kids isn't disrespect of your relationship and protection of your relationship isn't disregard of your kids. There should be a definite balance. Your kids are just that; your kids. They can't do, say or make you feel the way your significant other does. If it were true, you'd be dating your kids. Right? Right! That's gross...and so is treating your kids like you're in a relationship with them.
Your significant other can't, won't and shouldn't take the place of your kids because...well...that would just be weird too!
But above this; it really depends on the people, the kids, the relationship, the kids' parent that's not in the relationship too! That person can be something else! Especially IF they still want them or have feelings for them. Ugh! They can then be annoying...for real. Don't even get me started in on the bitter, broken or bruised one! That person just doesn't want their ex-whatever to be happy since they didn't have their happily-ever-after. That situation right there...just put it on pause or go on and delete it real quick. Seriously!
